Her Story...
Addison was born at 31 weeks and she weighed 2 lbs 3 1/4 oz. and was 14 1/4 inches long. She was considered healthy to be so small. She needed a little bit of oxygen to begin with but was breathing on her own after about a week and a half. Of course because of her being so early, she had to have a feeding tube put in, but was tolerating feedings very well. Because of the rough pregnancy and the delivery it was two days before I was able to see my baby, but was so relieved when I did get to see her. She looked so perfect and beautiful. I could see bits of me in her and it just took my breath away. Because of my recovery, I was not allowed to drive, so I had to rely on family members to take me up to the hospital to visit Addison. So I was not able to go on a daily basis. I cherish the time that I did get to spend with her, now that I look back at it. After about two weeks of her being in the NICU, We were finally able to hold her. It was amazing. That is what finally made me feel like a mom. She was so small and all you could feel were blankets. She just looked at us with such amazement that first day. It was so hard to put her back in her bed, but we were only allowed to keep her out for 20 minutes a day becuase she couldn't control her body temperature. The week that we got to start holding Addison, we went up everynight. We were able to give her her bath and feed her and change her diapers and all the things that parents take for granted. That last week will always be with us. Not only in memory but through pictures and video. On June 30th, we went up that night like we had the whole week before, and she seemed fussy which she hardly ever was, and she hadn't digested most of her milk from the feeding before we got there. The nurses just told us that she was probably gasy and we didn't think anything else about it, but I called when we got home to make sure that she had calmed down. And she had. Then at 12:30, we go the call that she was being transferred to Vanderbilit's Children Hospital because she had NEC and they weren't sure how much it had spread but that she might need surgery. It wasn't until we got there that we learned how serious it was. She was going to have to have surgery and the doctors told us that she might not make it through the surgery and that if she did she would need a blood transfusion. I just kept telling myself that she was going to be okay. I mean she had to be. The surgery took about an hour and then we went back to see her. She seemed to be doing okay. But within a few hours things started taking a turn for the worst. She started bleeding into her stomach and they couldn't get it to stop, it didn't matter what they did. They tried everything. Then we had to make the call, her heart was failing and we knew she was suffering even though they had given her pain medicine. We made the decision and within an hour she was gone. She passed away in my arms. It was so hard but yet we both knew she was no longer suffering and she was in a better place. Even though it is hard for us, we know she is looking down on us and smiling. She knows that we will never forget her and she has left tiny footprints on many peoples hearts. We just have to have faith and she was just part of god's bigger plan. She is now one of the most beautiful angels in heaven.
Gone but not forgetten...