Our life after Addison 07/30/2008
It's been a month now since Addison has passed away and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her. We are both just taking it one day at a time. It's all we can do. You can't think of why and be mad at god. You just have to have faith that God knew something that we didn't. My faith has just grown through this experience. And if anything I want people to learn not to take their children forgranted. Life is so precious. You never know when your last day might be or your child's last day. We are still parents and probably even better parents than most because we had to choose to give up our baby to stop her suffering. Not most parents our age would be able to make that decision so unselfishness. This experience has just opened my eyes to so many things. We do want to have more children and hope that god blesses us with many healthy children, but Addison will always be our first and she is always a part of our family. I will update this as time goes by. Any comments are welcome. Thanks. CommentsLou Tucker Sat, 16 Aug 2008 14:10:32 Misty I thought about you and prayed for you on the due day of our baby Addison and I told God how much we loved her and how we miss her but I also waned him to take care of you and jamie and help your hearts to heal . Time serves as a healer. We will never forget our baby Addison and God would not expect us to. We have never forgotten Ricky nor have I forgotten Matthew Dane even tho he never had a name until lately.But I feel better knowing he has a name even tho god knew who he was all the time. We have never spoken of him much through the years but I always held him close to my heart and I think PaPa did also . Love you best friend and pray the very best for you and Jamie . Stay safe going to work. Wed, 20 Aug 2008 14:20:12 Misty & Jamie, Tue, 02 Sep 2008 05:59:39 Addison our "Baby Girl" it's been 2 months now since you left us and I miss you more everyday. I thought of you so much this week-end, it was suppose to have been your first family gathering us all of us at the lake. I couldn't help but feel an emptiness there, I missed you there but I miss you everywhere. Kisses & hugs to you from grana & gran-dad, we love you & miss you. Please continue to watch over us. Forever in our hearts. Love you so much. Lou Tucker Wed, 03 Sep 2008 16:43:19 Great-Baby you was suspose to meet your family this Labor Day week-end, I know there would have been a lot of people that would of wanted to hold you. I thought about you and Papa and myself talked about you and the love we have for you . I can feel those little fingers still and I feel your love tugging on my heartstrings, We love you Great Baby and we always will, You are our very special first born and God wanted a beautiful baby girl and He took you. but we will see you again. Love Mamma and Papa Tucker Lou Tucker (Mamma) Tue, 09 Sep 2008 19:50:35 My Great Baby Addison you are missed every day by your Mamma and I give your picture a kiss every night and tell you I love you, I wish more than anything You could have stayed with us but that was not to be. We have ben in anightmare since you went away but I know that you are not alone, I pray we will recover and God will bless us with more great-babies but you will always be our first born and we will never forget you. I love you great-baby and miss you . you should be here with us and us holding you and loving you and soon getting ready for your first Christmas and getting pictires of you and uncle Danny since he weighted 2 lbs and 3 ozs. also and of course Papa would have a picture holding his first great baby and of course there is Baby Dylan that we could hardly wait to see the two of you together. Love you Great Baby Addison. My password at work is your name. Wed, 10 Sep 2008 06:42:32 Misty, Tue, 30 Sep 2008 17:37:05 Our precious baby girl who was our princess on earth for such a short time, and now our angel in heaven. I can't believe that tomorrow Oct. 1, will be 3 months since we've last seen your beautiful face, my heart still aches for you, Sometimes the pain is so unbearable it almost feels like it acutally hurts. I've questioned thousands of times in my head why you aren't with us and I still don't know why, the only thing is you are no longer suffering and in pain and for that I'm thankful. I couldn't bear to think you would be here on earth with us suffering and there would be nothing we could do to ease your pain. I love you & miss you. I knew from my first sight of you that I was then going to be a different person cause I was your Grana and I always will be your Grana, but now I'm a different person in a different way, I have such a emptiness in my heart that no one will ever be able to fill. I wanted to hold your hand while walking in the park, seeing you on the beach the first time, and something as simple as just holding you in my arms. Although, we did hold you in our arms and I hope somehow you could feel the love I had for you and I always will. Grana loves you and you are always in my heart and I think of you everyday. Just always know that Grana & Gran-dad loves you & miss you, you are always our special angel forever. Kisses & Hugs to our angel whom we love so very much. Mamma Wed, 01 Oct 2008 17:01:42 Baby Girl Addison You have been gone 3 mpnths today and I still canot write this without crying. I wish you was here so we could love you and kiss you and tell you how much we love you. I still keep my favorite picture near. The one you have your litle hand under your little head. You know the one where your mom said you was miss Attitude. You have taught us a great lesson in loving . Your Mom is going to the Dr. and you send good news down to us. Your Mom and Dad will never forget you just as we will never forget you or your Uncle Ricky. I hope God is letting your Uncle Ricky take care of you. We love you Great- Baby.I know you have had your wings for three months and I can feel the flutter of those angel wings in my heart every time I think of you which is every day, I love you Great-baby and we send love to you. Mamma and Papa Mon, 13 Oct 2008 07:27:35 Hi Misty Fri, 31 Oct 2008 20:30:49 Our precious angel Addison, I can't believe that it has been 4 mos.tomorrow that you were taken from us. I miss you more with each passing day, time hasn't healed my broken heart if anything it seems to hurt worse, I love you & miss you so very much. You are in my thoughts everyday, & I hope you know the times I come to visit with you. I can only imagine how much you would have grown over these months and how beautiful you would be. Halloween would have been something special for you for your first one, your mommy would have fixed you up pretty. Just know that we love you dearly and miss you everyday, I look at your pictures everyday at home & you are at my work too, and I look at them thinking in my mind how much bigger you would be now and oh how much you would be the apple of your gran-dad's eyes just like your mommy is still to this day. We love you & miss you but you are always in our hearts. Sun, 09 Nov 2008 11:02:41 Our sweet precious angel Addison, if you were with us you would be 5 mos. old today. I would love to see how much more beautiful you would be and see how much you would have grown in this amount of time since you were so small when you were born. I miss you more with each passing day and time hasn't healed my broken heart, (don't think it ever will), I love you more each day and my heart hurts for what I have missed with you during this timeand what I'll get to do with you. I can only imagne the fun we would be having espcially during the up coming holidays, (which I'm already dreading), I had looked forward to this year with you and seeing your eyes sparkle at all the lights and decorations. But that's only in my dreams now. I think of you every waking hour and only imagine holidng you in my arms & wanting to kiss all over you, something we never got to do with you in those short 22 days we had with you, only in the end did we hold you & kiss, something I will cherish forever. We love you so very much and you will always be in our hearts. I still don't know why God took you from us, and I ask every day why but still no answers, I just wish there was an answer then maybe I could move forward with dealing with you being gone but I can't. I ache every day for you, wanting to see your face and just touch you. I know some people think that I"m crazy still hurting for you since we only had you for such a short time but we've loved you from the first minute that we knew you were going to be our precious grand baby and we will continue to love you until the end of time. Rest peacefully our precious sweet baby girl our angel in heaven that we miss & love with all our heart. I can never express the love I feel for you in my heart. I only hope you could somehow feel that in the end when we did get to hold you. Mon, 17 Nov 2008 07:57:16 our sweet baby girl Addison, we missed you so much yesterday celebrating Gran-dad's 50th birthday, I would have given the world if you could have been there and seen all the other kids running around and see your eyes sparkle with excitement. We watched you in the video and that was so precious, but as always it broke my heart my having you there. We love you more everyday and you are always in our hearts. Grana & Gran-dad Akins Sat, 29 Nov 2008 06:45:40 Our precious angel Addison, we love you so very much and miss you too. We celebrated our first Thanksgiving holiday without you and it was very hard I just felt like something was missing and it was, it was you. To some that may sound crazy since we never brought you home but oh well, I know in my heart you were & will be a part of our family forever and I know if things were different you would have been there with us to celebrate. This is just the beginning of the holidays that you will be missing from, and it breaks my heart to think that. I hate to go into the stores with all the christmas decorations up because I told Gran-dad that you would be at the age where your little eyes would just sparkle seeing all the lights and decorations. I would love to see that glow in your eyes. Your mommy told us some good news on thanksgiving, your Great Aunt Annette came up with a wonderful ideal about christmas gifts on that side of the family this year. Everyone is to buy a preemie outfit to take the Vanderbilt and donate to their NIC Unit rather than buying gifts for each other in that family. To me that was a great ideal. I know that many other families would appreciate those donations. They were really good to us while we were there with you for those few hours and it's nice to try to repay them or help them out. Your Great Uncle Glen in California is also doing a wonderful thing this year in your memory. He always does a wonderful light show during the holidays at his house and he puts a donation bucket out front and he donates all the funds raised to a special charity and this year he has chosen the March Of Dimes in your memory. That was very sweet of him to do that as well. Everyone is doing so much to help keep your memory alive and we are so appreciative of it. We love you with all our hearts and miss you so very much. I wish we weren't having to write these messages in your memory but since we are I want you to know how very much you are loved and missed by us. You are in our hearts forever, and have a special place that no one will ever fill. Wed, 10 Dec 2008 16:41:59 Our precious baby, yesterday you would have been 6 mos old, already, can't believe how the time has passed so fast and then at times it seems like only yesterday that you left us. And the holidays are coming up and I don't look forward to them, just thinking about how big you would be and how excited you would be to see the lights glowing. And if you took after your mommy you would prefer to lay under the tree and look at the lights from underneath, and of course you would prefer the paper over the gift. I only imagine all the things you would be doing and how much you would have grown. How I would love to be able to see all of these changes in you but that's not to be. I miss you & love you so very much. Your other grandmother (Nana) bought you a christmas tree and your mommmy & daddy brought it to you last week, I have a snow globe for you too, Your cousins Bryson & Brayden also helped with the tree. Bryson loves you & talks about you alot, you are his "Baby Addi". We will never leave you out of the holidays or any day as you are always in our hearts & minds. Coming up will be your first christmas in heaven and I hope there are lots of lights & trees so your eyes can light up heaven as they would have us here at home. Our precious baby how much we love you & miss you, I just can't express it. Our first grand-baby, the love we have for you is indescribable. Mon, 15 Dec 2008 19:12:49 Our precious angel, your Nana got you a christmas tree and me & gran-dad bought you a snowglobe & stocking for your 1st christmas in heaven. Gran-dad & I also got you a tree for your garden at our house. How we wish you were here with us so we could buy you so much more. I'm sure that santa will not forget to get all the angels in heaven lots of things. We love you our precious angel in heaven. We miss you & you are forever in our hearts everyday, every where. Grana Akins Fri, 19 Dec 2008 22:07:25 Our precious angel Addison ,it's only a few days now until christmas and I don't look foward to it. This year should have been your 1st christmas with us. It was going to be filled with such laughter & joy seeing your eyes glow with excitement from the lights, gifts & the tree but instead we've had to dedicate our tree in your memory. You have three ornaments on the tree and lots of "lil' Baby Birds (Libby calls you "Baby Bird"), they are beautiful just as you are. I don't know how we are going to make it through these next few days, because the last few have been so very hard. I hate going to the stores that sell baby clothes because I want to run and see what they have for you and then it hits me that you are wearing wings up in heaven. How I wish I could make things so very different for your mommy & daddy and all of us and have you with us but that can't be and the pain is so unbearable at times I think my heart actually hurts wanting to hold you and have you with us. Our life is so not normal since you've left us and never will be again, I just hope that someday we will be able to find some peace. There was so much love in our hearts for you from the 1st minute that we found out you were going to be joining our family, that love lingers on in our hearts for you more with each passing day but I really thought we would get to show you how much you are loved with all our kisses & hugs. If I could just hold you one more time I would never let you go. Addison you are our special gift in heaven. I don't know why God took you so soon and I'll never know but I do know that we love you with all our hearts. I don't know how we will go on without you here this christmas but maybe knowing that you are in heaven with so many other angel friends will ease our pain somehow. Please help your mommy & daddy this holiday season, as your mommy is my baby and my heart hurts seeing her hurt because she misses & loves you so very much. You are Grana's baby & Gran-dad's girl and we love you so very much and miss you so much. You are always on our minds & in our hearts. I will never understand why you aren't with us on earth but I know you are with us in our hearts. You are our special angel. Grana & Gran-dad Akins Wed, 24 Dec 2008 18:06:56 Our sweet precious angel Addison, this is your 1st christmas in heaven, should have been your 1st christmas on earth with us as well, but that isn't to be. I wish you were here with us so we could have spoiled you with all the things that little ones get their 1st christmas. Me & Gran-dad came to visit you today, your snowglobe with playing music for you and we left you a balloon. Your mommy & daddy are releasing balloons tonight at your Nana's with Bryson & Brayden and then tomorrow at your great Nanny's with Libby and then some at your Great Mam-maw's with Dylan. I hope you can see all of them in heaven. These have been some tough days for us thinking how much we miss you & love you and what we would give if you were here with us. I can't explain the pain in my heart that I have for you, wanting you here and still not knowing why you aren't here. I'll never have an answer for that. There will always be a place in my heart for you, no one can or will replace the love I have for you. You are #1 in my heart when it comes to gran-babies and that will never change. I never knew the love a grandparent could have until you but I also never knew the pain I could have until we lost you too. Gran-dad misses you too but he always tries to hide the pain but it is there I see it in his face & eyes when we come to visit you. You were going to be his other #1 little girl because your mommy is the other one and always will be. Please know somehow in heaven that we love you & miss you so very much and wish you were here with us. Merry Christmas our precious baby angel in heaven. I wish I could explain how very much you are loved and missed but there just aren't the words, but it's with all my heart, always & forever. Grana & Gran-dad Akins Wed, 24 Dec 2008 18:14:55 Our baby Addison, Grana Thu, 08 Jan 2009 17:54:06 Our precious baby, you will never imagine the lives of people that you are touching, your mommy & daddy released balloons at christmas with your website information on them and people as far away as Baltimore are finding them and learning of you and how very much you are loved & missed. We never thought a balloon could travel so far but whatever it takes to get the message out about you & the word of NEC and March of Dimes. You are so loved & forever in our hearts. Grana Akins Mon, 02 Feb 2009 16:39:51 Our precious grandbaby Addison, Grana Akins Wed, 04 Feb 2009 18:56:57 Precious angel, you have been on my mind today and I wanted to say how very much I love you & miss you so much too. I think of you everyday and you are always in my heart. Grana Akins Fri, 13 Feb 2009 20:51:16 Grana wanted to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day in heaven. Your mommy & daddy put some pretty things out for you and Grana & Gran-dad got you something too. We love you & miss you so much. You are always in our heart. Grana Sat, 14 Feb 2009 16:51:45 Our precious baby Addison, I just wanted you to know that your gran-dad did such a special thing for you today, it touched my heart so, he bought you some pink roses and brought them to your grave this morning, he cleaned up around your grave and filled it in with some dirt. I didn't even know he did bought these for you or did an of this until later in the morning when he called me on his way to a job. He always gets your mommy flowers on Valentine's Day and now he has another special valentine in you. I know that your gran-dad loves you so very much and he misses you too. You would have been another bright light in his heart just like your mommy is. Grana & Gran-dad Mon, 09 Mar 2009 19:53:25 Our precious grandbaby Addison today you are 9 mos.old and I thought of you all day today thinking of how beautiful you would be & how much you would have grown by now. I think of you everyday and come to visit you often, I hope you know when I'm there, I hope you can hear me talking to you and telling you how very much I love you. Grana & Gran-dad Akins Wed, 01 Apr 2009 19:08:32 Our precious Addison, today you have been gone now for 9 mos. We still miss you so very much and think about you every day. You are always in our hearts & thoughts. Time hasn't healed our broken hearts, I still long to see your precious face & hold you in my arms but that is not to be. Easter is coming up and me & gran-dad have bought you a basket and filled it with eggs, your mommy & daddy have bought you some things too, you have the prettiest grave of all. we will make sure that you are always with pretty things out there. We are thinking about your 1st birthday coming up in a few months. We love you so very much. It breaks my heart to think that we can only decorate your grave and you can't be here to run around looking for eggs but when you are looking for them in heaven I hope that you find the most and win the prize, you are the prize in our hearts. Great _Mama Sat, 04 Apr 2009 09:53:17 My Great-Baby Grana Akins Sat, 11 Apr 2009 12:43:06 My precious Addison, my heart hurts today thinking that I will not get to see you hunt your 1st easter eggs, something I had looked so forward to among so many other things. I remember the joy your mommy had hunting eggs & dressing up so pretty & I know you would be dressed to a "t" as well, all the lacy & ruffels one dress could hold. I sitll don't know why you had to be taken from us and I'll never know but I do know that I love you more each day & miss you more with each passing day. I don't think the pain will ever go away. But always know that me & gran-dad love you more than we ever thought could be possible. There is something so special about those grandbabies and even thou we didn't have you in our arms for very long but we still felt that love & bond holidng & seeing you. You are always our #1 "baby girl" and will always be in our hearts & lives. Words can never express how we feel for you. ALWAYS IN OUR HEART.....Grana & Gran-dad Akins Grana & Gran-dad Sun, 19 Apr 2009 20:27:52 Our precious angel, we did it, we raised more on our 2nd walk than we did our 1st in your memory. We did it, I knew we would & I knew that you were pulling for us to best our best. It hurt knowing our reason for this ceremony, so many other families were there showing off what great miracles they receieved in their experience with premature births. I still don't know & never will know why God chose to take you from us rather than perform a miracle for us. But we did all of this hard work for you. We love you & miss you so very much. It was a rainy nasty day today but nothing would have stopped me & gran-dad from fulfilling our promise to you to keep youf memory alive. Your mommy, daddy,aunt Maggie, cousin Dylan, great aunt Annette, me & gran-dad and a friend of mine from work came with his wife to walk in with us for support. We are already thinking of ways to raise money next year to again do all of this in your memory. Me & Gran-dad brought you another beautiful angel today and we are going to fix you a beautiful garden out there near you. we love you so very much and our hearts felt proud of the work we did for you. You are always in our hearts forever. Grana Akins Tue, 05 May 2009 18:07:15 Baby Girl, Look over your mommy on Sunday, it is Mother's Day & I know you are watching over her daily. She will always be your mommy & she loves you so very much as we all do. How I wish you were here with your mommy, hugging, kissing & laughing with her. But we know you aren't so please watch over her and help her get through the day. I love you so very much & miss you dearly, you are our special angel. Mama Tucker Sun, 10 May 2009 07:34:18 My Great-Baby today is a sad day for us. You are not with us in rhe natural but you arewith us in spirit. I pray ther will be a way that you can let your mom know that you are near by sending her a penny from Heaven. She loves you so much and was so proud to be a mom. I canot stand the pain she goes through and our hands are tied to gat her another baby but we want her to have a baby sis for you to look over and let us know how you would look. You would now be 11 months old and such a joy to you mom and dad. You would soon be learning your way to Nanny and Pa's house and the fun you and pa would have.while Nanny laughted. I miss you gret-baby and wish I could see you. Mother's Day is never a good day at church but maybe today will be different. I love you Great_Baby . Mama Grana Fri, 05 Jun 2009 20:33:34 our dearest precious angel Addison, your 1st birthday is just a few days away, it is so hard to believe that the time has passed so fast. Time is moving so fast but my broken heart still nor will it ever heal from the pain I have in it since you left us. You are so very special and you always will be, and in my heart forever. I love you precious angel. Me & Gran-dad have fixed you such a beautiful garden, it has pretty flowers that I know you would love to pick them if you could, and me & mommy bought you some more pretties to put out there for you too. Help us to get through these next few weeks as they are going to be so tough. With all my love, hugs & kisses for you, I love you my angel. Grana & Gran-dad Akins Tue, 09 Jun 2009 07:27:39 Happy 1st Birthday to the most beautiful angel in Heaven. One year ago today was one of the most exciting days of our lives, we became grandparents for the 1st time. We had a celebration of your life on sunday and we released balloons for you, I hope that you saw them go by. Your mommy & daddy have lots of pretty things for you at your grave. My heart still aches for you, wishing I could hold you, kiss you & give you lots of hugs.I love you my precious angel and miss you so very much. You may have only been with us for 22 days in life but you will always be with us for the rest of our lives, living in our hearts. You left us an impression on us in your short time on earth, you had so much fight in you for someone so very small. You were a fighter. Words can't express how very much I miss you & love you, it is just such a feeling in my heart when I think of you that I can't explain, guess that is what they call being a 'grana". You touched "gran-dad' in such a way too, he thinks of you all the time. We both love you so very much & you are forever in our hearts. Happy 1st Birthday in Heaven to our most precious angel. we love you, grana & gran-dad Akins Mama Tucker Tue, 09 Jun 2009 18:47:14 Great-Baby I want to wish you a Happy Birtday. You would be 1 yr. old now and the apple of all our eyes. I know Grand-Dad would have been busy Sunday trying to cook and hold you but you know what that would have been o.k. We could handle that. I love you Great_ Baby and you are so far away in distance but ever so close to Heart. I hope you gave your Mom and Dad the strength they needed to make it through the day. This is hard on them and we are waiting for good news to come to us that you will have a new baby to watch over. Brother or sister but i think everyone will be wishing for a little girl that will let us watch her and we will know just how beautiful you would of been. Pa Akins need you to help him. He needs to know you are watching over him. You have been my strengh and you have helped me to go on when I was tired in body. I love you Great-baby and you will always be my first- Great- Baby. Papa sends love to you . he talked about you today and how he wished you was here. Love Mama and papa Tucker Grana Akins Thu, 25 Jun 2009 19:39:18 thinking about you so much today, I love you & miss you so very much. YOu are our angel in heaven & I love you always. Grana Akins Wed, 01 Jul 2009 08:05:58 Today 1 year ago we lost our precious Addison, my heart still hurts for her & always will, she is now the most beautiful angel up in heaven, but we are still left with broken hearts. We miss you & love you so very much. She was such a fighter but her precious little body couldn't win the battle, why I don't know, I wish I did, I wish God would give me an answer but I've yet to see one, I'm having such an issue with that. To me God took her from us and we still have no reason, when I know without a doubt that she would have been given the best kind of love a child could ever receive from all of us that so truly love her & miss her. I'm still mad, what he did to us wasn't fair, we wanted her & loved her, but he still took her. If God felt he needed another angel why didn't he take on from those parents that don't want their babies and end up hurting them in the end,just tell me WHY? Why he took Addison from us. To my angel in heaven Grana & Gran-dad love you with all our hearts & you will always be a part of our lives & in our hearts forever. "If only" that has been in my mind ever since you left us, if only things had been different & you were here with us you would have been the apple of Gran-dad's eye, I have often wondered if you would be stepping on his heels with every move he made, and he would have loved every minute of it. Somehow I hope you know when we visit you & talk to you & tell you how very much we love you, I want you to know how very much you are loved & always will be forever in our hearts, you are our #1 grandbaby always. We love you our precious angel in heaven. Happy Angel Day to you our angel. with all our love, Grana & Gran-dad Akins Grana Akins Thu, 16 Jul 2009 13:04:14 Our precious angel, your mommy & daddy told us last night they were going to give you sister or brother, I"m sure you already knew but please look out for them & keep them safe. I love you always & forever my 1st angel who is in heaven. Grana Akins Sat, 25 Jul 2009 18:10:46 you've been on my mind more today for some reason, Just wanted to say how very much I love you forever & always in my heart, my precious sweet angel. You are Grana's #1 always. Grana Akins Mon, 31 Aug 2009 06:28:30 I love you baby girl, thinking of you so much today. Two more days & we'll know whether you are having a baby sister or brother but I'm sure you already know, just continue to watch over him/her & your mommy & daddy. I love you precious angel. Grana Akins Thu, 03 Sep 2009 13:46:17 Precious angel, I love you & miss you, your 'lil' sister will never take your place she will just help heal our broken hearts that we still carry for you. We will love her in a special way too just as we do you, you are always our 1st grand baby. Always in our thoughts & hearts. Grana Akins Tue, 29 Sep 2009 08:34:18 I love you precious angel,I miss you more with each passing day. Grana's # 1 angel always in my heart. Grana Akins Mon, 12 Oct 2009 11:50:50 Precious angel Addison, thinking of you so much today, we are getting ready this week to light our candles for "Remembering Our Babies" day on Thursday Oct. 15th. although we think of you everyday this day will be set aside especially for you & all the other precious angels you have been playing with while up in heaven. I love you baby girl & you are forever in our hearts. We'll remember you forever. Leave a Reply |
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